Recently, I went through a phase that almost destroyed me and I’m going to share with you as honestly as I can about my own personal challenge of self-doubt how I did my best to get through it.
There is no shame in going through challenges and having moments of despair. None of us are perfect and no one has all the answers. It is through pain and challenge that we grow and get answers.
You know how those pesky personal development guru’s talk about things like: “It’s all well and good knowing something, but unless you put it into practice it’s as worthless as an empty cheque.” Well, as a coach I should have learned that lesson well.
But you know how they say doctors make the worst patients? Well, life coaches make the worst coaching clients! 😆 … And I’m definitely no exception to that rule! However, I’ve been blessed with a lovely fiancee who has actually become a wonderful coach to me. She pointed some things out to me that really opened my eyes about how much was doubting myself and lacked self belief.
I know what I would normally do in tough situations. I also know how I would coach someone going through difficult situations also; but putting into practice what I know and applying it at the right time, that’s the tough part!
For a short time I began to allow myself to the subtle voice start telling me things like:
“Amit, you’ll never be able to be a success.”
“That’s a silly idea, that will never work!”
“You are not as good as others and you’ll never be able to.”
“Who are you to try and offer people coaching?”
“You don’t even have a degree, how will people take you seriously?”
“But it’s okay for that person, they’ve already succeeded so it’s easy for them.”
“It’s different for me as my situation is unique and makes it more difficult for me.”
Over the past few weeks I became totally overwhelmed by those thoughts and I almost allowed them to completely put my life on hold.
How sad would that have been to allow myself to succumb to such mundane thinking? I bet you’ve experienced this at some time or other in your life too correct?
The trouble is, we don’t often spot when those kinds of repetitive thoughts, or that kind of attitude takes over. Even when someone points it out to us, we don’t always accept the truth.
The trouble is, self-doubt uses a lot of subtle trickery and can take you by surprise and leave you completely unaware that it is happening.
Being able to detect those thoughts and then shift them is paramount to your personal success.
I kind of feel like one of those undercover magicians right now who breaks the magicians code and reveals how the magic is done. 😀
It’s incredible the stealth with which self-doubt can creep in. Most of the time you probably don’t even know it’s there and you won’t even recognise it when it rears it’s ugly head.
You know how when you look for something, you can’t find it but it’s right in front of you? It’s exactly like that!
I never realised until recently, until I began paying attention, just how much self-doubt I was having. If you acquiesce to it, then it will take over and prevent you from achieving great things.
I’d just like to point out that modesty and self doubt are not the same thing. Just because someone chooses to show modesty about their abilities, it doesn’t mean that they have self-doubt.
However, self-doubt is often the genesis of excuses.
How To Spot It
Become mindful of self deprecating thoughts. Self-doubt can also creep in, in guise of excuses.
If where you are right now, is not in line with where you would like to be, and you’ve given yourself justification of why that is, you’ve just allowed the excuse to negate your responsibility of moving forward.
You’ll be comfortable with that excuse and you’ll find ways for it to be reinforced.
The biggest difference is, on one side you work daily towards your milestones. On the other side, you repeat reasons as to why you have not reached your milestones. And therein lies the biggest curator of self doubt.
Does that pattern sound familiar? If you can be brutally honest with yourself and say yes, then you’ve just overcome the first, and often biggest step, towards personal transformation which is detection and acknowledgement.
What You Can Do
What are your limitations truly? If you have a working mind then there is nothing you cannot create or replicate.
If there is a business man or woman you admire, and you’d like to replicate their success, then there is absolutely no reason why you cannot.
Saying, “it’s okay for them as they don’t know how hard it is for me”, is just an excuse.
To begin with, on a surface level, you can throw in some more self believing thoughts. Things like: “With dedication and commitment, I can not only achieve the results I want, I can surpass them!”
It doesn’t just stop there with a few simple surface level thoughts though. It then needs to be backed up with action. The action will back up the thoughts and eventually turn into your persona.
The more you think like that and follow up with action, the more you habitually behave as a self believer. 🙂
These are the steps I’ve taken which have truly made a difference for me. No longer am I a slave to my self doubt. No longer will those thoughts stifle my progress.
Don’t be tricked by self-doubt. Don’t let it’s subtle trickery prevent you from fulfilling your highest visions of your life.