Are you tired of being single?
Being a dating guru, this is something I hear frequently. People feel it’s a constant uphill struggle to meet someone. Throw in all the technology changes over the last 15 years and for some, it’s gone from being challenging, to a downright nightmare.
Tired Of Being Single
Before I learned about dating, I too was very tired of being single. It was draining to have go through the rigmarole of finding a suitable partner, that was until I realised there was a better way.
When the internet arrived, it brought with it dating websites. More recently of course, it has added the ‘Tinder’ or app dating age, adding fresh challenges to the whole realm of meeting an ideal partner, and a fulfilling relationship.
Online, people are able to hide behind a cloak of anonymity. It has made finding someone, who is genuine, a daunting process, and can make people tired of being single.
I hear first-hand exactly the challenges people in this technological age have and I often give the same response. That is, although the rules have changed, the game is still the same. It’s all about knowing what you want, working towards it and knowing how to get the most out of the process.
Once you have it clear in your mind, the only thing left is to find a way to make the process as fun and enjoyable as possible and there are several ways to do that.
I want you to take away two things today:
- Being single and dating can be incredible fun, so enjoy it while you’re able to. More on having fun – https://unlimitedchoice.org/blog/relationships/dating/
- However enjoyable it becomes, you still want to meet someone, and so I want to show you the fastest way to do so.
It is worth remembering at this point of the absolute truth that challenges don’t vanish, they just change form. Once you’re no longer single, your life will not suddenly be ‘fixed’. Being in a relationship will unveil its own set of challenges. It’s important to understand your life won’t automatically change for the better. It’s vital to give yourself this reality check every once in a while to remember that your life won’t suddenly be a bed of roses because of finding someone.
This is the tool I used to bring balance to myself and remove that ‘stench of desperation’ which is the ultimate soul-mate repellent. I began to realise that whilst I was wishing for something else, I was missing all the great stuff happening to me in that moment.
When I was single, I embraced it, and began to look at the benefits the came along with it. In fact, being single actually comes with an incredible amount of perks, but the stigma of being single keeps our third eye blind to the real exciting opportunities that surround us. People who are single tend to see only couples around them, and feel isolated among their peers.
I recall a conversation I had with a beautiful 39 year old woman, who said she was the only single person in her friend circle and so was felt completely singled out. It was worse because they were all buying houses, having children etc. However, after some coaching from me, she has now met someone and things are going wonderful.
Therein lies the first step you need to address in this process. If you’re tired of being single, read the following steps and aim to implement them in your search…
1. Begin by finding other people in the same boat
If you’re constantly hanging around with couples, it’s time for that to change. It’s time for you to engage with single social groups where people are in the same boat, and have the ability to hang with you on your level. Preferably find some mixed sex social groups that allow you to interact with a variety of people. I began one such group on Facebook and it has now grown to around 950 members in just a few months. It has allowed the members to interact in a fun safe environment. A place where everyone is single, and can therefore be sure they’re connecting with other single people, to eliminate any guesswork.
Your ‘couple’ friends may be initially upset if you begin spending less time with them, but if they’re real friends, they will understand why you need to edge away and do your thing. They will also greet you with open arms when you return with your new spouse.
2. Don’t beat around the bush, and don’t get beaten around the bush
People can hide behind pictures, profiles and all sorts, so it’s important to refine your filtration system. Be discerning and have a strategy. E.g., I tell people to elicit the things they need to know in around 15 minutes. Then arrange a face-to-face date. If the person stalls, keeps putting it off, or doesn’t respond, you have your answer there straight away! Don’t waste too much time trying to get to know someone online. Believe me it’s not worth it. Stay safe when arranging to meet people. Take any necessary precautions like telling friends who you’re meeting and where.
This step is incredibly important. I hear stories daily of people trying to get to know someone online over the course of 3-4 months, only to come to the realisation, that for one reason or another, it wasn’t going to work out. That’s 3-4 precious months of their life evaporated which in my opinion, is a very poor waste of time. Don’t allow that to happen. By meeting them, you should have a much clearer idea if things will work even as soon as the 3rd date.
3. Date frequently to get better at it and don’t take dates seriously
People wonder why they struggle with dating when they only tend to have maybe one or two dates a year. You can be a pro tennis player if you only play once or twice a year. You have to face the reality that dating is like anything else; the more you do it, the better you get at it. Remember the 10,000 hours rule from the book Outliers by Malcolm Gladwell? It always takes a certain amount of doing to improve. When you date infrequently, you’re often nervous and are unable to allow the real you to shine. When you date often, you’ll find you relax much quicker, and can be yourself more easily.
Don’t bother asking serious probing questions on the first date. Instead, have some fun. Find out what things you have in common and engage in playful banter. Find out what TV shows you both like, if you both enjoy traveling, what places you’ve both visited, if you have sibling rivalries, what part you played in the school production, funny or bad dates etc. Doing is this way will give you a better idea if your personalities click and that should be your priority.
4. Don’t try to impress or indulge in extravagance on early dates.
Meeting at a loud bar or having a meal are two things you should avoid. Neither are conducive to really getting to know someone properly, especially on a first date. It’s better to do those kinds of things in later dates. In my experience, nothing beats either going for a simple coffee, or just a walk in a park with beautiful surroundings. Both require little or no money which eliminates the whole ‘who pays on a first date’ conundrum.
There’s also no need to book an expensive activity to try to impress a date. Don’t be something you’re not. So if you’re on a budget, don’t spend money if you don’t have it. More importantly, if you take note of what I said before to date regularly, if you’re constantly spending money, it could place a hefty burden on your pocket. Just remember to keep it simple, and if you’re afraid of being thought as cheap, not once did that happen to me while I was dating.
5. Change your goal
The end result you should be aiming for, by dating, is to come away laughing and smiling, no matter the outcome. Whatever happens, aim to enjoy the process and transforming it from a chore to wanting more. There is no need to ever get tired of being single.
You get to meet interesting people, try new things, find new hideaways, explore new places. So make these your goals instead of meeting the one. When you do that, and remove the awkward focus and take away any pressure. You unload the burden and pick up a sense of freedom
Over to you. Were you once tired of being single? How did you overcome it? Or would you like to know more? Leave me a comment below.