13 Jokes To Make You Incredibly Attractive To The Opposite Sex
Okay, so why the picture of the two naked ladies with apples and what the heck does it have to do with jokes? Nothing, I was just shamelessly trying to get more visitors to this post…I was trying to convey the message like they do in those beer commercials…drink this and you could have lovely ladies all over you too!
Same with the title, how else was I going to get you to read this article?!
Anyway, I love jokes, they taste great! I always used to have a problem where I never could remember the jokes I was told. I would hear a joke and then try and tell it at a later date and then really screw it up. In fact, I pretty much, annihilated the whole joke and by the time I eventually got the punch line there was no one left around me to tell. (Some of my friends may argue that is still the case!) 😛
I’m still not sure why, but I love making people laugh! It is a bit like a drug, a healthy drug, and the laughter acts like a magnet. When was the last time you laughed so much your ribs hurt? I don’t know about you but sometimes, the silliest of things, can still be the funniest!
I collated some of my favourite one-liner jokes to share with you as well as some gags for parties. I’m always sharing inspirational quotes but now I wanted to share some humour. These jokes are not my creation, so if I have not credited them and you own the joke, let me know who I’ve stolen it from…so I can rub it in further.
It’s great to have an arsenal of jokes ready like a belt full of Batmans gadgets…they can be used anywhere and any time to break the ice. They are great at parties and you can even use some of this jokes if you’re giving a talk or a speech, or even just at the bar with your buddies…so you look like the cool one who everyone wants to be mates with. Another great way to attract imaginary ladies!
Without further ado, here are some great one liners…
1. I’m never wrong! One time, I thought I was wrong, but I was mistaken!
2. I saw a man yesterday who was so bald I could see what he was thinking.
3. I’ve started going up to peoples doors and preaching about my new gym, it’s called Jehovah’s Fitness.
4. Statistically 6 out of 7 Dwarfs are not Happy.
5. A book just fell on my head. I’ve only got myshelf to blame.
6. Hedgehogs – why can’t they just share the hedge?
7. I moved into a bungalow recently. I was going to move into a house, but that’s another storey!
8. Do you know what really bugs me? Discreetly placed microphones…
9. Yesterday, my girlfriend said she needed to take a break from me…so I gave her a Kit Kat
10. I knew I was going bald when it was taking longer to wash my face.
Since you’ve read this far I’m going to throw in the bonus of giving you my favourite chat up lines…
1. Are your pants from outer space or is your butt just out of this world?
2. Is your name Summer? ‘Coz you’re HOT!
Further Bonus: Woah, you’ve come a long way to being an absolute stud or studette! So to complete your transformation, learn these following jokes or keep others like them in your arsenal, and you are sure to become a sex machine!
1. Doctor: “I’m going to have to pull the plug on your son. Mother: “Why, I thought you said he was perfectly healthy?” Doctor: Oh I did but his bath is overflowing.
2. A woman was very distraught at the fact that she had not had a date or any sex in quite some time. She was afraid she might have something wrong with her, so she decided to seek the medical expertise of a sex therapist. Her doctor recommended that she see the well known Chinese sex therapist Dr. Chang. So she went to see him. Upon entering the examination room Dr. Chang said ‘OK take off all your crose.’ The woman did as she was told. ‘Now get down and craw reery, reery fass to odder side of room.’ Again the woman did as she was instructed. Dr. Chang then said ‘OK, now craw reery, reery fass back to me.’ So she did. Dr.Chang shook his head slowly and said ‘Your probrem vewy bad. You haf Ed Zachary diease…..Worse case I ever see. Dat why you not haf sex or dates.’ Worried the woman asked anxiously ‘Oh my God Dr.Chang what is Ed Zachary Disease?’ Dr. Chang sighed deeply and replied…. ….’Ed Zachary Disease is when your face look Ed Zachary like your ass.’
3. TEACHER: If I gave you 2 cats, and another 2 cats and another 2, how many will you have? Johnny: Seven Sir. Teacher: No, listen carefully. If I gave you 2 cats, and another 2 cats and another 2, how many will you have? Johnny: Seven! Teacher: Let me put it to you differently. If I gave you 2 apples, and another 2 apples and another 2, how many will you have? Johnny: Six. Teacher: Good. Now if I gave you 2 cats, and another 2 cats and another 2, how many will you have? Johnny: Seven!! Very angry Teacher: Where the heck are you getting 7 from?! Very angry Johnny: Because I have one at home sir!!
😀
Lol!
Had to share the best pickup line I’ve ever heard:
I was blinded by your beauty so I’m going to need your name and number for insurance reasons…
Add that to your repertoire, a guaranteed winner!
Hey Claire – LOL I love that pick up line! The people who come up with those are geniuses, no matter how cheesy they are but I do like that one and will be definitely trying it out! 😀
Thanks for sharing these. I always love telling a joke. In fact I love telling them so much, I’m usually the one laughing the hardest.
You’re the same as me Rob, I don’t care who else laughs, I just enjoy telling them and making myself laugh!
Hi Amit…
You made me laugh with this post….thank you! The one about the Kit Kat was my fave. You love for jokes shines through!
By the way….to some women…wit is incredibly attractive too. So keep that in mind.
Have a beautiful day!
Hey Nadia, oh yeah I know, I think it’s the number one quality when it comes to attraction. I’m so glad it made you laugh! 😀
Amit, thanks for a great laugh. Just what I needed to end the day.
I liked the one about the woman with Ed Zachary disease. Classic!
Keep it up buddy – and I hope to see you performing live one day soon.
You should have put up a picture of a hot guy too, for us studettes, ya know 😉
No offense, but some of these one liners are a bit tacky… Anyone giving me a line about the dwarfs would be crossed out of my list right away. It’s just plain wrong and bigoted too.
LOL I think that’s probably the most tame bigoted joke I’ve ever heard. But Don’t worry Anne, I’ll put up a picture of hot male for you next time! 😉
you do realize they are referring to snow white and the seven dwarfs right?
Hey CC,
I’m sure she did 🙂
Thanks for the comment
~Amit
Wicked! Love the one-liners, classic! : )
Glad you enjoyed Milan, hey ever thought about showcasing your artwork digitally?
Hey Amit, already doing it at Take a look and tell me you thoughts.
Nice picture, Amit! 🙂 And nice jokes. I also like jokes a lot! Thanks for sharing!
Always a pleasure Roman to hear from you and so glad you enjoyed!
Hi Amit. These were pretty funny, so thanks for sharing. A good joke is a great substitute for a sad pickup line.
So Nea, I take it that some pick up lines have been tried on you?
My step-sister has a list of red-neck pick up lines, I’ve got to get them from her, you’ll just die laughing!
Redneck Man’s pick up lines
1) Did you fart?
cuz you blew me away.
2) Are yer parents retarded?
cuz ya sure are special.
3) My Love fer you is like diarrhea .
I can’t hold it in.
4) Do you have a library card?
cuz I’d like to check you out.
5) Is there a mirror in yer pants?
cuz I can see myself in em.
6) If you was a tree I were a Squirrel,
I’d store my nuts in yer hole.
7) You might not be the best lookin girl here,
but beauty’s only a light switch away.
8) Man – “Fat Penguin!”
Woman – “WHAT?”
Man – “I just wanted to say something that would break the ice.”
9) I know I’m not no Fred Flintstone,
but I bet I can make yer bed-rock.
10) I can’t find my puppy, can you help me find him?
I think he went inta this cheap motel room.
11) Yer eyes are as blue as window cleaner.
12) If yer gunna regret this in the mornin,
we kin sleep til afternoon.
and…. the best for last!
13) Yer face reminds me of a wrench,
every time I think of it my nuts tighten up.
HAHA I love them Amie! These all look tried and tested!!
http://www.joecasaletto.com/jokes/pick-up.htm
oops, can we delete my posts please, i didnt read the list the first time… I musta gave you the wrong list…
Which one do you want me to delete? The list is funny!!
Amit: There is nothing better than having a good laugh and you are responsible for giving me so many 🙂 Thanks for keeping me laughing. I still remember that radio skit you posted. That was so hilarious.
Hey Sibyl! Always happy to put laughter in anyone’s day!! 😀
The redneck jokes were Great!!!!!!
After I initially left a comment I appear to have clicked on the
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Thank you!
Hi Georgiana, at the bottom of the email should be an unsubscribe option. 🙂
~Amit
Hey amit can these jokes make girls think that I am attractive?
Please be honest
Hey Josh, read the first two paragraphs 🙂
and to answer your question? Yes!! As nadia said above in the comments, wit is incredibly attractive.
The point is humour is attractive, so learn to be spontaneous with witty jokes and one liners. (good ones of course) and yes, they will make you more attractive to the opposite sex.
i consider myself attractive , but still i am not attractive enough to get the guy i like to like me back , maybe that has much to do with my up bring , but i think i am humorous , anyway , that’s a great article for girls who want to meet their Mr right
thats great, i apreciate.
I can promise all of you this.. If you try any of those horrible jokes out you won’t have sex for 100 years. How do I know you ask? Because I’m not an idiot.
Hey there,
This post is very ‘tongue-in-cheek’ and not meant to be taken seriously. Something which I would always advise people of – not to take life too seriously.
~Amit
Hilarious jokes. You made my day.
Hey Fayaz,
Hehehe, glad you liked – have an awesome day my friend!
~Amit