The Lap Dancer Who Changed My Life

Well I’m finally back from Amsterdam and as promised I managed to post up my daily wisdom while I was away. I must apologise if there were small spelling or grammatical errors, in any of the posts, but I did each one within a few minutes as I only had a very limited amount of time to write them.

It was an interesting journey in Amsterdam, that is, to put very mildly. There was one experience that stood out for me from the whole trip and it’s a story I’m going to share here. This is very hard for me, as it’s a part of me that I’m not proud of that initiated the experience but out of it I did learn more about myself in that one night than I have done for a very long time!

She was stunning, had a beautiful aura and the moment she stepped onto the bar I knew that I had to have a lap dance from her. Her skin was softer than a baby. As she proceeded to straddle me I couldn’t help but begin to talk to her. She told me her name was Angelina and that she was a local resident in Amsterdam. I made a comment about how her skin was so soft and made a light note of it by asking her what her secret was? She laughed and asked how old I was. I told her that I was 30 to which she then asked me what my secret was to looking so young? πŸ˜€

We continued to speak during the course of the lap dance and to be honest, I’d almost forgotten that she was supposed to be giving me a dance because I really enjoyed the conversation that we were having. Later that evening my friends and I were talking and I noticed that Angelina was sitting at the bar by herself having a drink. I decided to go over and talk to her. We ended up talking for the better part of half an hour. She told me that she was a mother of two even though she was only 23 years old. When she told me that I was totally stunned as not only did she look very young too, but she was doing lap dancing as her primary source of income!

As the conversation went on we learned a great deal about one another. I did ask Angelina if she enjoyed being a lap dancer to which she replied that she did, however, she had plans to go study and train to be a make up artist. She was very confident about herself, what she wanted to do and the dreams she wanted to fulfil. We continued talking about various things and life in general. At the end of the conversation, we gave each other a big hug and I said to her: “You’re beautiful on the inside as well as the outside!” After that I wished her the best in fulfilling her dreams to be a make up artist and wished her luck for her marriage too!

Two days later my friends and I ended up being at the same bar again. After a while Angelina came onto the bar. Shortly after she noticed me, waved at me and gave me a big smile. She beckoned me over to have another lap dance from her. I reluctantly said yes but as she sat onto my lap it just didn’t feel right any more! It felt like I had asked a friend to strip naked and dance for me! I felt very uncomfortable but to express that when you’re in a bar surrounded by men jeering you on is not an easy thing to convey. When she finished her dance I gave her a huge hug and whispered in her ear: “I’m truly sorry, but I feel as if you’re a friend now and that just didn’t seem right to me!” She whispered back; “I know and I could tell, it’s because you’re different to every other guy I’ve met, it’s ok!”

I paid her the money after which I waited and hoped to see her walk by after she’d finished so that I could speak to her further. Unfortunately I had to leave as my other friends wanted to go which meant that it is unlikely that I will ever see her again!

Just after we left the bar one of my friends was very tired and just wanted to sleep. We didn’t have anywhere to stay that night so we decided that he and I would go to the airport and find a quiet corner where he could sleep. My other friends wanted to continue their night out and so we went our separate ways. After we got to the airport we found a good spot where my friend fell asleep. We had 6 hours to kill before our flight and even though I was tired I didn’t feel like sleeping. So I sat down and decided to meditate. The whole experience with Angelina came back to me and I spent the better part of four hours and just thinking about what had happened. I could feel the tears welling up in my eyes but I was determined not to cry! It had a huge impact on me what had happened.

I realised that if getting to know someone can make me have a conscience about dancing with this girl then there should be no reason why I find it OK just because I do not personally know the woman, or should I say, the beautiful spirit in front of me. Just like every other man on the planet, I love the sight of a naked woman, but that isn’t an excuse for me to satisfy my needs by paying a woman to dance for me. I spent much of that time crucifying myself for what had happened. For good reason too, however, I know that beating myself up inside was not going to change what had happened. Nothing could! It was then that I realised that it was part of the my journey of self discovery that things transpired the way that they did. It was no coincidence that I ended up being at the bar both the nights that Angelina was there, considering that she only danced 3 nights a week. It was what I chose to experience. If I didn’t have that experience with Angelina there would’ve been a chance that I would’ve done the same thing again in the future and continued doing it.

I have no idea if what had happened also had an effect on Angelina. I would love to be able to see her again and tell her the impact she had on me. She probably will never know, but she, in that moment, was my Angel, Angelina.

The question now is where do I go from here? I am always going to be invited to strip clubs by my friends, unless I decide to change my friends! πŸ˜› So will I ever go again? Yes I will for sure because as far as I’m concerned it’s one place where I still have the opportunity to do some good. Will I ever pay for a lap dance again? No, that is something I will never do again but I have no regrets about what transpired, in fact, I’m grateful. I made my choices, some of which were not the best but I’ve forgiven myself because out of them, I choose the path to grow.

Even whilst writing this I feel like crying, I know it will come out of me at some stage. But I also feel like a new chapter has opened for me and many new doors will open from this experience.

Thank you my Angel-lina! πŸ™‚

23 Responses

  1. Amit,
    this is a beautiful and touching story! I love how you found the true Spirit and Love in your Angelina!
    We are all connected!

  2. Amit Sodha says:

    Thank you Karen, and thank you for being so understanding! πŸ™‚

  3. Abz says:

    a new chapter begins for you Amit..

    Very powerful story.

  4. Amit Sodha says:

    Thanks bro, definitely a new chapter now just waiting to be explored!

  5. Kavikim says:

    Well Done Sweetheart! Truly inspiring and honest. all my love to you. xxx

  6. Amit Sodha says:

    Thank you kavikim!! Mwah xox

  7. Thanks Amit for being so brave and sharing this story. It seems you became a more conscious human being through Angelina. What a gift she was. I hope she has an opportunity to express her gifts in new ways that are more nuturing to her spirit.

    Thanks for your comments at my blog. I very much enjoy yours and who you are, Joseph

  8. Amit Sodha says:

    Thank you Joseph for your heartfelt comments, It means a great deal what you have said. I do feel more conscious through it and I feel like will this experience is the start of something new and wonderful!

    A

  9. At every corner of life there is a lesson to be learned. Wonderful story Amit! You remind me of myself so much, that’s something I’d do and always wanted to do. I see strippers and prostitues and my heart just goes out to them. I’ve always wanted to help them find a better way, but I’m also guilty of going to strip joints and getting lap dances. Thank you for what you did. We are all connected and if it had that big of an impact on you, I can assure you it had a huge impact on her as well.

    It’s amazing how sometimes we encounter a person for a short period of time but they leave you with something that lasts a lifetime.

    God bless you Amit and keep doing what your doing!

  10. Amit Sodha says:

    Mital dear friend, your words and your honesty mean a great deal to me!

    You know, if I see a stripper or a prostitute who really enjoys what they do, more power to them! I see nothing wrong with it. What I found wrong was in my actions considering the example I’m trying to set not only through this blog but through all the community work I do and the word I do with children, even if they never see me, what example does it set. Not a good one for sure.

    I genuinely saw a few lap dancers who really enjoyed what they did and I saw some who, you could tell, were there out of necessity. It is those ones that I have the most compassion for.

    But you’re so right, even if she consciously doesn’t acknowledge it, I do accept that the impact is as great for her as it is for me.

    Thanks again Mital especially for your honesty, that takes true strength my friend!

    A

  11. james souttar says:

    Amit

    As a casual visitor to your blog, I was struck by this story – and just wanted to leave one observation.

    Think of how many people – who are not lap-dancers – we meet every day who we make no connection with. Maybe we stop to buy a ticket or a paper from them, day after day. Neither we nor they bring anything else to that transaction – it’s impersonal, and just about the swapping of goods or services for money.

    Then think of a man visiting a prostitute. He pays her for sex – she needs his money. But he never fails to see her as a wonderful, unique, beautiful human being – the manifestation of the Divine. The two connect, even though the circumstances of their connection is unusual.

    Between these two extremes most of our transactions with other people are arranged – the chat with the barman, who shares something about his life, or the smile from the hot-dog vendor, which reaches across that gulf of separation.

    Looking at all these examples, it’s possible to see that we’re not demeaned by the circumstances of an encounter with another person. What demeans us is how we treat that other person – whether we choose to ignore their humanity and transact with them in an impersonal way, or whether we use the moment to form a connection. The doctor may give us a cure, but treat us with no respect for who we are. The streetwalker may prostitute her body, but genuinely care about her client. In which of these examples is the presence of God closer?

  12. Amit Sodha says:

    Hey James, thank you for your profound comments…

    “The doctor may give us a cure, but treat us with no respect for who we are. The streetwalker may prostitute her body, but genuinely care about her client. In which of these examples is the presence of God closer?” –

    That actually reminds me a lot of a statement I made in one of my other blog posts –

    “In my humble opinion, itÒ€ℒs better to eat junk food with love and appreciation than it is to eat healthy food with guilt!”

    To answer your question directly, I would say the prostitute for sure, but it would also depend on the true deep intent within each of those examples, under which the action was taken.

    I do understand the deeper message of your statement and it’s something I do consider in many, but not all, interactions. I wish I could say I was an A student at creating a deep spiritual connection with each person that I encounter but I know in all honesty that it’s only in the smaller percentile. Hand on heart, where I do remember, I do attempt to forge that connection.

    Thank you again James, your message has inspired me to action! πŸ™‚

  13. I am also a casual visitor to your site and was also struck by your heartfelt story. It reminded me that there are no accidents and that you were meant to experience the situation with the lap dancer.

    While I was reading the story, I was trying to decipher what you learned from it? Unless I missed it, what was it that you learned? I understand that you found beauty in a person who could have been judged as a “dumb lap dancer” or something like that. Was that it? Did you learn not to judge someone based on their appearance? Or was it something else? I’m curious!

  14. Amit Sodha says:

    Stephen,

    It don’t always find it easy to articulate my feelings that well but I will give it a go. To answer your question I would say that my learning came down to the treatment of human beings as a whole. In the beginning, I treated her one way, just as a lap dancer. After I got to know her, suddenly it didn’t seem right to have the dynamic of her as just someone who was there to give me physical pleasure. What changed from the before and after states? It was the getting to know her. However that was not a sufficient enough reason for me to treat her different and as far as I’m concerned should never be the case! From now on, whether it be a lap dancer or a taxi driver or any other kind of stranger, I will remember to treat that person as if I’ve know them for a long time, treat them as a long lost friend.

    Does that make sense?

    That to me was the prime lesson but the impact was immense becausue in the beginning, after the conversation with her, I felt a deep connection. Then, for her to strip naked and give me a dance, it was a feeling I haven’t experienced before and it will stay with me for a very long time to come, probably my whole life! It wasn’t even a feeling a guilt, it was almost of deep feeling of hurt and anger at myself that I’d treated a friend that way.

    Thanks for your comments and I’m glad you asked the question! πŸ™‚

  15. Gillette says:

    There are many escorts, Courtesans, Dakini workers, strippers, phone sex workers who know that healing comes from human contact. That people go to providers to get needs met. That when done with consciousness, the Sacred Whore, no matter what her face, is a true vehicle for healing and transformation.

    I invite you to read “Women of the Light,” a great book on women who are sex workers from various Paths who are bringing healing energy in this area.

    Blessings for your post.

  16. Amit Sodha says:

    Hey Gillette, your comment is a true eye opener. I never once thought that some women were out there doing what they do also with the intention of healing. Thank you for opening my eyes further still! God bless you.

    I will also check out that book, thank you! πŸ™‚

  17. I second that recommendation to read “Women of the Light.” Great book.

    Also, wonderful article. I have only had once lap dance in my life, and I remember it like the back of my hand as a very strange experience. The stripper wasn’t as great of a person as the one you met. She keep saying things like “oh my! I think someone is watching!” and I wasn’t really into it.

    But yeah, great article! Thanks.

  18. Amit Sodha says:

    Thanks Levi, I will definitly check out that book for sure! Thanks for your comments too!

  1. June 10, 2007

    The Personal Development Carnival-June 10, 2007

    WELCOME
    to the Personal Development Carnival- June 10, 2007 edition!
    I want to send out a Thank You to my friend Lyman Reed for again allowing me to host. It really is fun! If you would like to enjoy this great opportunity at your blog, you can go …

  2. June 26, 2007

    The Power of Choice » The Lap Dancer who changed my life.

    When you open your heart and you open your mind you can meet the most amazing people anywhere you go!

  3. November 16, 2008

    […] at the time when the same subject has been crossing my mind too. I wrote a post a while back here The Lap Dancer who changed my life. | The Power of Choice called the lap dancer who changed my life and it’s something I still remember clearly to this day […]

  4. March 26, 2009

    […] 2) Over at The Power of Choice, Amit Sodha brings us a story of self discovery that started at – of all places – a strip club. Check out his journey in the post The Lap Dancer who changed my life. […]

  5. March 25, 2012

    #Trending: The Lap Dancer Who Changed My Life http://t.co/F4wVM4SA
    #blog #inspiring

Share your thoughts with the world :-)