How to Avoid Dating Burnout and Enjoy the Journey
Dating burnout is a real thing, but I wanted to share that it took me over 300 dates to find my wife, and not once did I feel burned out after learning to date the right way.
For the most part, it was enjoyable and exciting, not exasperating. My number one goal when dating was to have fun and enjoy myself.
I didn’t have the goal of meeting someone; I just enjoyed the process of meeting different characters. If I met someone where there was something more, that was just a plus.
That mindset ensured that I didn’t feel any dating burnout.
On two occasions, I happened to meet someone while dating, even when I almost didn’t want to meet anyone. I enjoyed being single and dating so much, I could happily have done that for the rest of my life.
The first relationship lasted for 2.5 years but didn’t work out for a number of reasons. After that ended and I got my dating mojo back, I was in the same boat. I loved being single and dating, and then I met the woman who became my wife.
We’ve been together for nine years in total and married for seven.
Why The Burnout Happens
Dating burnout is a thing, but in reality, what burns us out are the things we don’t enjoy.
When we make something too serious, instead of finding the joy in it, it will always zap your energy.
That’s why it’s time to learn to make dating a joyful experience.
It is supposed to be exciting and enjoyable, you’re not supposed to feel dating burnout.
We were never destined to feel burned out, but invigorated. The way to do that is by dating the right way.
It is supposed to be something you can happily share with your kids and grandkids, instead of passing on generational trauma.
Case in point, I started coaching a mom recently, and when I asked what she tells her kids about dating, who are just about that age right now, she said: “I tell them to stay single.”
It’s not her fault; we’ve all let this happen and dating burnout occur because we just don’t understand what to do and how to do it.
Here are a few rules to accompany you that will ensure you give yourself the best chance of meeting someone, during what is supposed to be one of the best times of your life.
But stick with me, I’ll teach you what to do, and what not to do. If you listen to these words, I assure you, you’ll meet someone very quickly and you’ll actually enjoy the process.
Tips On How To Avoid Dating Burnout
- Stop Being Attached to the Outcome: You meet an unpleasant person on a dating app? Who cares, block, and move on. Simple. If a conversation becomes contentious, stop yourself and move on. Remember, peace is better than being right.
- Dating Apps Are Just a Tool: They are a good way, but not the only way to meet someone. Feeling brave? You can create a video profile on your social media.
- Place Yourself in Situations Where You’re Likely to Meet People: Join a dancing class, hiking club, or any activity that aligns with your interests.
- Meet as Fast as Possible When Online Dating: Create a guideline for yourself. Max of 15 minutes of messaging should lead to a phone call lasting no more than an hour, which should lead to a first date. Weeks or months of messaging without meeting is the fastest way to stay single and experience dating burnout.
- Remove All Expectations from the Date: Keep the date simple and light. Use the date to do something you like. If you like parks, go for a walk in a park together. Love coffee or museums? Do that together as your first date. Meals are generally a no-no for a first date. They can come from date three onwards. The date should involve very little or no money. Coffee or ice cream are good options.
- Guys, Your Job Is to Keep Moving Things Forward: Girls, your job is to prompt and enable him. If you want to know more, book a free coaching call with me.
- Focus on Character and Values: His height or her cooking skills will not determine the quality of the relationship. The only thing that will is character and values. These two should be the only metrics by which to qualify the other person. Attraction builds; it doesn’t need to be there from day one.
- The Golden Rule: Fun: Make it fun. Make them have fun. You need to take responsibility for this part. If you start having fun, they’ll start having fun. If they begin to have fun, it will also make you want to have more fun. Have fun with the conversation, the dates, where you visit, and what you do. Use the Spark Conversations Cards or take some games on your date.
Fun puts you into a high-vibe state, raises your energy, and puts you on track to attract the right kind of person for you while staving off any feelings of dating burnout.
