In preparation for some dating, flirting and relationship workshops that I have coming up I wanted to address an interesting point I heard recently. I say interesting, but I actually mean, rather odd!
Even though I’m now engaged, a large portion of what I’m about to tell you still applies to me because my fiancée and I, we still have dates and we’re still as playful as ever. There is a small portion that is no longer relevant, but I don’t feel like dating doesn’t need to stop when you find someone.
I was speaking with a sweet girl recently and she told me that whilst on a date, the person asked them the question ‘where do you see yourself in 5 years?’ and all I could think to myself was ‘was this a date or an interview?’ so therein lies a very important point.
A DATE IS NOT AN INTERVIEW!
That is probably the worst way in the world to get to know someone and to use as a selection criteria.
I’d be a little worried if someone asked me that question on a first date, after all, isn’t who I am right now a heck of lot more important compared to where I think I might like to be in 5 years time?
Now don’t get me wrong, it may be a perfectly valid question on a fourth or fifth date as I would want to meet someone who does have ambition. I do find someone with a plan and confidence in that plan, attractive.
I’m hardly going to ask that question on a first date and think ‘good answer, I love you!’ 😛
Questions like that are futile for two very key reasons.
- An answer about my future could be very loose and far from the truth, if I buy into a persons answer, hoping for them to become that then I’m living with false hopes about that person. if it never materialises then I’ll naturally feel disheartened or disillusioned.
- A question like doesn’t really tell me anything about the real character of the person I’m on a date with.
For me, the purpose of dating is 3 fold.
- i) To have fun and have an enjoyable time, either doing something I already love or trying something new.
- ii) To use it as a medium to get to know a person properly.
- iii) To find someone to have a deep and meaningful connection with.
I’ve always said that the number one factor in dating for me is to have fun. If I’m not enjoying the process then how can I ever expect to meet someone and get to know them?
The next time you have a date with someone, skip the formalities and go straight to the fun, let the formalities come later!