Dating – Fun Not Formality
In preparation for some dating, flirting and relationship workshops that I have coming up I wanted to address an interesting point I heard recently. I say interesting, but I actually mean, rather odd!
Even though I’m now engaged, a large portion of what I’m about to tell you still applies to me because my fiancÃ©e and I, we still have dates and we’re still as playful as ever. There is a small portion that is no longer relevant, but I don’t feel like dating doesn’t need to stop when you find someone.
I was speaking with a sweet girl recently and she told me that whilst on a date, the person asked them the question ‘where do you see yourself in 5 years?’ and all I could think to myself was ‘was this a date or an interview?’ so therein lies a very important point.
A DATE IS NOT AN INTERVIEW!
That is probably the worst way in the world to get to know someone and to use as a selection criteria.
I’d be a little worried if someone asked me that question on a first date, after all, isn’t who I am right now a heck of lot more important compared to where I think I might like to be in 5 years time?
Now don’t get me wrong, it may be a perfectly valid question on a fourth or fifth date as I would want to meet someone who does have ambition. I do find someone with a plan and confidence in that plan, attractive.
I’m hardly going to ask that question on a first date and think ‘good answer, I love you!’ 😛
Questions like that are futile for two very key reasons.
- An answer about my future could be very loose and far from the truth, if I buy into a persons answer, hoping for them to become that then I’m living with false hopes about that person. if it never materialises then I’ll naturally feel disheartened or disillusioned.
- A question like doesn’t really tell me anything about the real character of the person I’m on a date with.
For me, the purpose of dating is 3 fold.
- i) To have fun and have an enjoyable time, either doing something I already love or trying something new.
- ii) To use it as a medium to get to know a person properly.
- iii) To find someone to have a deep and meaningful connection with.
I’ve always said that the number one factor in dating for me is to have fun. If I’m not enjoying the process then how can I ever expect to meet someone and get to know them?
The next time you have a date with someone, skip the formalities and go straight to the fun, let the formalities come later!