From Blame To Forgiveness
We live in a massive global society which is saturated with blame. Justification of the blame is always relative to where you stand but most of the time the blame is assigned to take the focus from the root causes of the events. Blame is a great way to remove the onus from an individual or group assignment and move it to another party.
We’ve all done it, we’ve all been there, we’ve all felt that some external circumstance has been the reason for us feeling a particular way or as the cause for society being a particular way. With so many problems out there it’s no wonder that people feel that sense of blame but the problem is that the time and spent on issuing blame could be much better spent on finding a solution or another way of getting around the problem. This is particularly prevalent in politics, when the government implements a policy, or otherwise, which goes wrong and immediately the opposition seizes the opportunity to get in front of the camera to blame the government for it’s incompetence.
The greatest challenge we face when it comes to blame is who then takes ultimate responsibility? If no one does then longer term situations and circumstances will linger and eventually situations, feelings, tensions, will be left unresolved and the outcome will be more bitter than ever.
First and foremost, you and I are one and the same. If I blame you, I’m actually blaming myself! Whether you believe in this “Universal Quantum Relative Oneness” is truly beside the point. The point is, if I blame the bus driver for the bus being late, what purpose does it serve and how will it ultimately serve the outcome? Lets take a look step by step at the chain of events that is about to ensue:
1) Firstly, for whatever reason, the bus is late, It’s cold, pouring down with rain and I really need to get to the loo! 😛
2) Because of that I get angry and frustrated and under my breath I start cursing the bus driver.
3) During my moments of cursing my blood pressure is slowly rising and my body’s immune system is weakening, even if only for a moment
4) Deep down I get angy, I ask God why is this happening to me? More damage to my immune system!
5) The bus finally arrives. When it arrives, I get on first and decide to have a go at the bus driver for being late. Meanwhile the 43 passengers behind me then also get angry and under their breath start blaming me for the them getting home late for the hot meal they have all ready and waiting for them at home.
6) The bus driver gets frustrated at my whining and starts driving like a maniac and that in turn annoys all the other passengers who are standing on the bus.
7) I finally get home…ignore my family so I can get to the loo! But someone is already in there and I get even more frustrated and angry and I remember who is to blame for all of this…the damn bus driver!
8 ) The bus driver gets home in a foul mood, doesn’t kiss his wife and then the wife makes the bus driver sleep on the couch and the bus driver blames me for ruining his day and for him having to sleep on the couch.
9) He’s grouchy at his kids and as a result they grow up to be moody adults who blame their parents for everything bad that happens to them!
I think you see where I’m going with this. 😀
O.K., this maybe a slight exaggeration but in real life we rarely get to see the ripples of our actions and so it’s worth taking a step back to think about what those actions reap. In the case of blame, blame leads to anger and frustration, which in turn leads to bitterness, which is then passed onto others around us, which is then passed around some more, which then leads to health problems, which then leads to all sorts of other things as the example shows! Where does ripple end? I know that eventually it runs out of steam but it’s only a matter of time before another ripple begins and if another ripple begins so will another and another and another.
So if that’s the effects of blame what’s the alternative?
Just as those ripples begin with a thought and an action, in the same way, any situation, no matter what it maybe you can choose which ripple you want to disperse. Now imagine me at the same bus stand, in exactly the same situation…with the rain pouring down on my face, cold, and really needing to go to the loo…but this time, I decide to take a stance of forgiveness and patience, lets see the change in the scenario!
1) I decide to let all the other passengers on the bus before me…and I make sure they know that I’ve given way for them…not to satisfy my ego, but so that they are aware that someone has done something nice for them.
2) When I get onto the bus I smile at the bus driver and say thank you and maybe make a joke about the weather to cheer him up too. Now at this point I could be totally pissed off with the bus arriving late and so fourth…but we’ve already seen what will happen if I act on that blame and anger. So this time, I put that blame and anger aside and try and be as chilled out about the whole thing as I can.
3) I get home and I finally get to go to the loo and feel that sense of relief!! 😆 😆
4) Because I didn’t let the frustration get to me, I can then settle down and have a nice evening.
5) The other passengers also didn’t get frustrated at me because I didn’t have a go at the bus driver, they feel more at ease on the bus
6) Because the bus driver and I exchanged a few light hearted words that make us both smile, he then goes home and when he gets there he kisses his wife
7) He gets to sleep in his own bed! 😛
8 ) His kids grow up as level headed respectable adults!
I’ll spare you my babbling but I’m sure you get the picture! 😉 If we truly want to take the path of blame..see how far it can go?
You can see straight away the anger through blame is futile. I achieves nothing more than disrupting not only my peaceful state but the state of others.
On a planetary scale, we can see around us immediate that the world right now is a pond full of blame ripples, all we need to do is turn those blame ripples into ripples of enjoyment, through seeing the grander picture of what our actions do. A few easy minutes of introspection can give you all the tools you need to find that place where you can feel more relaxed. And through that state of feeling more relaxed you’ll be in a better position of not looking for the person to blame in all situations, but rather looking for a solution, finding a way through the tough times without letting your blood pressure go through the roof! 😛
Don’t make that poor bus driver sleep on the couch! 😉
Good one Amit, you are right, a few minutes of introspection will give us all the tools we need to get through a lot of situations in life. If only everyone would take a moment to think and not just react, I can only imagine what kind of world we would be living in today.
Funny, I just posted a blog on forgiveness and your link caught my eye, I click over and see this blog and it put a smile on my face. Keep up the good work.
Well Tabs it just goes to show that we are very much in alignment right now, I loved your post too, very inspiring and thought provoking.
Good article, Amit. It’s a good idea to stop and think of the extended consequences of our actions. Those ripples do travel a long way!
Thanks Michelle! 🙂
hey Amit, good article! i came across this one when i was doing some positive browsing! After reading the chain of events in the scenarios with the bus driver etc… i paused a little when i was coming towards the end of events thinking we do live in a blame society, and i stopped to think just in general how important it is to take responsibility for ourselves.. patience and forgiveness do work hand in hand. 🙂
You sure do have a unique way of digging out my old pieces! 😛 Blame can be so hurtful and without time to cool off you not only hurt others but yourself also.