Yesterday I received a piece of hate mail.
Actually, I’m probably being a bit too harsh; I wouldn’t actually class it as hate mail so much as more a kind of strong criticism mail. Either way, I’ve decided to respond to it here.
This isn’t the first time I’ve received mail of this kind.
I’ve had plenty before, and to an equal degree complimentary messages too, but the reason I decided to respond in this way is because although the person gave me their name, they didn’t leave a return email address; the name may also not be real.
Now why have I chosen to respond? Am I offended by the remarks? Nope. Was I upset? Nope. Did I go have a cry in a corner? Nope.
The Truth be told, I would generally not pay that much attention to, let alone respond to any messages of this nature, but this one especially caught my attention.
There were tones in the message that were reminiscent of the way I used to think and it actually inspired me to write about the journey of my shift in thinking.
So, here is the message I got sent through my contact form:
Those fees are a rip-off! Passing on knowledge and wisdom is something that should be done for free or a minimal charge at best but your obviously trying to make a quick buck.
Who is really going to take a “life coach” who also provides “comedy” seriously (and that too quite immature having looked at some of the clips).
Sort yourself out mate – find out what really makes you tick – coaching / comedy and take that track – don’t try and be all things to all people but dig deep and search for who you are.
As for those fees, the people who really need coaching and help may not even be able to pay you Â£10 as hour – are you passionate about helping those who may really need your help?”
To begin with, I tend to feel the same way about hate mail as I do when someone pays me a compliment. It makes me smile, but I try not to let it go to my head. ð
I try and think about the higher purpose I’m serving by doing all that I do.
I’m going to examine what was said and give my reasons for my decisions accordingly.
Believe me when I say that I’m not doing this to appease the haters. I’m doing this to illustrate my reasons for doing what I do because I believe them to be right for me.
Lets start with the first part:
“Those fees are a rip-off! Passing on knowledge and wisdom is something that should be done for free or a minimal charge at best but your obviously trying to make a quick buck.”
I agree and I pass on my knowledge and wisdom for free. I’ll let the 5000 hours or so or hard grafting that I’ve put in over the last 5 years on this blog speak for itself.
Almost every article is here to provide people with knowledge and wisdom and thanks to the beauty of the internet they are all for free.
I’ve been an unpaid radio presenter for well over 3 years, I’ve worked with disabled children voluntarily for over 5 years and I’ve been giving talks and working with kids in schools for over six years.
Did I mention that my e-book is also free?
So that eliminates the ‘quick’ and the ‘buck’ is a separate matter altogether so we’ll come to that later. I rarely do things for the short term…unless it is making love to a woman in which case, yes, I am pretty quick. ð
Wow, look at that cool segue to bring me nicely onto the comment about my immature comedy and the fact no one will take my coaching seriously.
“Who is really going to take a “life coach” who also provides “comedy” seriously (and that too quite immature having looked at some of the clips).”
Your honour, I refer you to exhibit A, an article I wrote in September 2009 called ‘Spirituality & Dirty Jokes – Are They Mutually exclusive?’
I don’t know why some people have this image in their mind that all coaches need to be these anally retentive types with no personality?
I used to be one such person, I used to be a “coach” everywhere I went but then I realised that I didn’t need to try and be a coach to every person I met. I didn’t need to be ‘Mr Perfect’ all the time. I am totally fallible.
I happen to be a huge fan of very immature jokes and I also happy to like inappropriate humour…in fact, my favourite show is Family Guy.
If you’ve ever seen it then you’ll know that they make fun of absolutely everyone and everything and in distasteful ways!
I’m not going to apologise for my sense of humour or taste. I tried to hide my playful side in the past but all that did was make me depressed.
I’m totally comfortable with who I am. I’m a spiritual guy who likes smutty jokes. If you don’t like that about me, fine, but don’t judge my jokes as immature. God invented humour and I got that from his side of the family. ð
Onto the next point…
“Sort yourself out mate – find out what really makes you tick – coaching / comedy and take that track – don’t try and be all things to all people but dig deep and search for who you are.”
Dude, you should so be a Life Coach! Thank you for the coaching session but just to clarify: Coaching is in my blood, I am an amazing coach, I’ve had some amazing results with people.
Comedy is something I absolutely love doing! I love doing comedy and it’s given me invaluable skills as a coach as I mentioned in this article I wrote about here.
It’s made me an accomplished public speaker in an accelerated way. I tried the Toastmaster route but as far as I was concerned it was too slow. I took up comedy to be a better speaker. What I found was a new passion.
I’m not planning to ever give up coaching/comedy/radio/writing etc ever! I love them all too much.
No matter how big I get as a radio presenter/comedian/tv personality etc, I will always give coaching to people who ask for it from me. (Limited only by my time and energy.)
“As for those fees, the people who really need coaching and help may not even be able to pay you £10 as hour – are you passionate about helping those who may really need your help?”
I’m passionate about educating people and empowering people. If someone only offers me Â£10 an hour to coach them because they are poor, yet they place value in that coaching and will still pay me as recognition of that value, then yes, I’ll coach them.
I can’t and will not coach individual people for free unless it is very exceptional circumstances. I’ve actually given a friend of mine around 20 hours of free coaching recently but only because they are a very close friend.
If you still have hang-ups about money I strongly suggest you read a book called How To Make One Hell of A Profit And Still Get To Heaven written by John Demartini.
All of my experiences collectively, my experiences of working in the corporate sector, working as a radio presenter, being a successful comedian, being an outstanding blogger :-P, being a great speaker and coach; if I feel those skills are worth Â£150 an hour to people then that is what I will charge.
If you know of anyone who has as diverse a portfolio as me and charges less, let me know, maybe I’ll think about adjusting to the market rate. As far as I’m concerned though, right now, Â£150 an hour of my time is value for money.
When my skills and knowledge level reach a higher level and I’m comfortable charging Â£500 an hour know and believing that I’m bringing Â£500 worth of value over that hour then that is exactly what I will charge.
So, whoever you are Mr A.P. who sent that message to me, firstly, thank you for taking the time to message me. Secondly I consider having a hater in the same vein as having a stalker so I’m actually quite flattered.
I appreciate all feedback. I’ve been called a terrible comedian before but all that did was make me try again and learn to be better.
I feel no animosity towards you, I’m grateful, because every experience has shaped me into the amazing person that I am; including your message.